Impact Statement

Impact Statement

In this statement the court would like me to address how this crime has affected my sleep schedule, work, school, friendships, where I live and my financial matters. They asked how it has affected my ability to work and trust in others. They also have asked me to do the same for my loved ones. I tried to do what was asked but I physically became ill.

All I could do was fall on my face. I said God! help me! Guide me… An hour later, God gave me this.

When I focus on all the pain and hardships that come from Isaiah’s death,  I become weak. Negative things spew from my mouth without my consent. As if it consumes my entire body. Hate, resentment and anger start to creep in. I allow these things to blind me, to bind me up and it holds me captive.  It is obvious that our lives have been extremely affected by this accident, and that our hearts break over and over daily but, I have to put my energy and focus into something positive. I have to do what my baby would do, what God wants me to. So I have deal with the now. I can no longer live in the past. God doesn’t want it and Isaiah doesn’t either.

After all this, I still wasn’t 100% satisfied. I felt as if God had more to say. I was then led to open my devotional at 12:30 am and what did I find?

Thank me for the very things that are troubling you. You are on the brink of rebellion, you are so close to shaking your fist in my face. You are tempted to indulge in just a little complaining about my treatment of you. But once you step over that line , torrents of rage and self-pity can sweep you away. The best protection against this indulgence is thanksgiving. It is impossible to thank me and curse me at the same time. Thanking me for trials will feel awkward and contrived at first. But if you persist, your thankful words, prayed in faith, will eventually make a difference in your heart. Thankfulness awakens you to my presence, which overshadows all your problems. -Jesus Calling Daily Devotional

I was blown away, it is as if God was sitting directly in front of me. I know now what this statement is supposed to be about. It is supposed to be a call to action. It is supposed to be a time to highlight all the beautiful things God has brought from these ashes. To the young man who killed my son. Most days suck without my baby. But I am still so blessed! I have two other beautiful boys that fill me up. I have an amazing family that is there whenever I need them. I have a huge support system not just family but strangers and friends. God has sent people from all over the world to bless us. All of us who love Isaiah know that this is not goodbye, it’s see you later. We believe that Jesus died on that cross and rose three days later so that we may live, for eternity, with him in heaven. I know without a shadow of a doubt that Isaiah is there now.  Lives have and will continue to be changed. Roughly 1200 people showed up to my babies funeral and everyone received a bible. People have come to know the lord. People are inspired daily by the way in which my son lived his life. A ministry has been born to bless many in my son’s honor. God has provided in ways I couldn’t imagine. I have never been closer to God as I am now. I am learning to lean on him with all that I have. He wants me to step into my son’s shoes and share the good news with you. I once read “God has made me stronger, so the pain is not always unbearable, but the weight hasn’t gotten any lighter.” It is like an amputee that has lost his arm. He will never get over it, he will never get his arm back, there will always be a piece of him missing, but he will learn to live without it – Levi Lusko. 

We will all learn to live again, one day at a time. Including you Jason. I know that the weight of your decision is heavy. I imagine too heavy to bear at times. I just pray that you can one day forgive yourself, as our heavenly father has. I pray that you will rise up from this and one day be all you have dreamed. I want to encourage you today. If there are people in this room, in the world that cannot forgive you for what has happened, that is something they have to work out within themselves. People make bad decisions when under extreme circumstances. Unfortunately for you the outcome of this one is irreversible. All you can do now is move forward and be the best man who you can be. I pray that when your time is finished you would get out and seek after God with your whole heart. I pray that you would be that father he has called you to be. I pray you can stay sober and make a new life for yourself. I know that is what Isaiah would want and I know for sure that is what God wants.

Philippians 4:4-6 Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again:Rejoice! Let you your gentleness be evident to all. The old is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.