Live Through The Pain…

I don’t want to give off the impression that every day is awesome. When you ask me how I am doing and I say blessed it is because I am. That doesn’t mean I am not broken into pieces on the inside. At times this pain becomes like a ton of bricks has been placed on my chest. I get major tunnel vision and all I can see or think about is his face.

I feel horrible for the way I treat people when I get into this mode. I tend to shut down and try to fix it alone. I try to be an example of God’s love, but during these times it feels almost impossible. I cannot imagine how I will be able to get though this. Is there a way to live through this pain?

Live Through The Pain…

This was my first Valentines day without my son in 12 years. All day I was thinking way too much. This is the holiday of true love. Isaiah and I had a truly amazing love. None could compare. At times I want to scream out at God and ask him why!? He was my best friend! I miss him so much. I just need to hold him! I just need to kiss his big lips and hold is little hands. God I just want to hold his warm body and feel his little heart beat. During these times of pain I would do almost anything for just one more day with him. I feel like my heart is broken into pieces.

When I feel like I am reaching a point of no return with my grief, I force myself to get up and do something positive. I force myself to live through the pain. I start replacing all my negative thoughts with positive thoughts. There is a fine line between healthy grieving and borderline depression for sure. I ask myself, would Isaiah want me down here falling apart? No, he would want me to get up.

Isaiah’s mission every single day was to make me smile. Literally, everyday he found a way to brighten my day.

Live Through The Pain…

If he can do it I can too. Pain won’t last forever. This life is but for a moment, I will get to hold you for eternity my love. Isaiah Anthony Shelton Dobine, I love you with all my heart and I know you love me that much too. Would you ask Jesus to send me a little sign that you are watching? or just thinking about me? That would make me so happy baby. Happy Valentines day my love. I am so happy that you are now receiving the real love you deserve 🙂

Psalm 18:28  “You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.”

Without God I am nothing.