Thought Process…

Seeking God with no response, she began to weep. She thought to herself “Why can’t my brain line up with my heart? Why am I up all hours of the night?” Her heart beats faster, her chest gets tight and she can’t stop the tears rolling down her face. She is just so upset and can’t help but feel this horrible void.

Things were so much easier when she was in shock. Now that the shock is gone she can feel everything. Her heart is getting tired of all the rejection, pain and loneliness. It blew her mind that she could feel so lonely being that she was surrounded by many that loved her and supported her. But she wasn’t seeking the kind of love and support she was receiving. She was seeking a deeper love. The kind of love that holds your hand, tells her she is beautiful and looks deep into her eyes and makes her feel like she is the only girl in the world. This love she had only received from her son.

So what should she do?

Thought Process…

She thought maybe she could read more self-help books to learn how to better handle this situation. Or she could just leave the situations causing her pain and try to venture out on her own. Or maybe she should just set up another therapy appointment. That was her escape. She could pay someone to be very involved in what she was thinking and feeling. When she left there she felt so much better.  She was able to get things off of her chest, and it would stay confidential. What she didn’t realize she was once again depending on another person to feel that void. What happens if her therapy had to end? What would she do then? No matter what alternatives she created in her mind they weren’t good enough. Deep in her heart she just wanted to have her son back…

No matter what she did her son would not come back. It was hard for her to accept that she would never see his smile, touch his skin, hear his voice or feel his love. She knew she had to change-up the way she was looking at things if she wanted to be okay.

So she decided to stop looking to man most of the time and to God for the rest. She decided to put ALL her faith, love and trust in the heavenly father and let him love her the way he had intended. 

Isaiah 40: but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. 

She was then able to quiet the noise long enough to hear from God. She now understands that God had allowed her to feel this pain, rejection, confusion, crazy thoughts, and loneliness so that she can better relate to others who struggle with these feelings daily. See she was a mommy to that sweet boy since she was 17 so she was never genuinely alone. So when people came to her for advice or prayer in this area she lacked the experience needed to relate to them.

Thought Process…

God has called her for something great, even bigger than she could ever imagine.  But in order for her to accomplish these things she must be relatable, empathetic and strong in the word. She couldn’t just talk the talk; she had to walk the walk.

Dear Lord, I am thankful for the struggles as they shape and mold me into the person you have called me to be. I pray a special prayer for everyone reading this. I pray that when we are faced with trials so huge it seems impossible to make it through, that you will remind us that it is only for a season and there is a reason. I thank you that we can turn our trials into testimonies that can bless people for years to come. I pray that you will create in us a new heart to give and receive real love. I pray you would give us new eyes to see things the way you do. I pray for renewed spirits God. In Jesus Name I pray.  Amen.